And So We Begin Again

So much for resolutions.

Weeks before 2018 ended, I was filled with a rare enthusiasm to start blogging on a more regular basis. I even made notes and a content plan to help me along. I have categories and titles and a long list of ideas to get me through one whole year. But just like everything else in my life, there’s no rule and no order. I do as I please.

It’s a source of constant frustration, this annoying habit of leaving things midair. Maybe it’s because it’s quite easy to start things and end them whenever I want. I get to pick up where I left off, always.

I’m not good with promises. I utter them with a nagging thought that I will break them, sooner or later. It is not a matter of ‘if’ anymore. I tend to break them, whether I mean to or not. It’s another annoying habit I wish to break. I must have broken a hundred promises, most of them are for myself.

I guess I’m better at looking back. Planning was never my thing. It’s only fun when I’m mapping them out inside my head. So, instead of making another promise that I will break, I’ll just reflect on the year that passed.

2018 was a blend of struggles, disappointments, joy, and hope. It was beautiful, for the lack of a better word. I’ve proven something to myself. I learned how to make it on my own, to pick myself up every time I fall down. I realized my capacity – to feel, to think, to persevere. I discovered the end of my patience. I now know where and when to stop.

I am hoping this year will be better, of course. But I’ll still take one day at a time.