A Litany Before Goodbye

I want to say something profound.

How about
“we’re only ever certain of uncertainties”?
Or would that be too deep,
hitting too close to home?

I’d like to say
how much death fascinates me –
its inevitability,
the certainty that we’ll all end up that way.

Of course, you’ll say that’s too morbid,
too melancholy,
As if relegating it to the back of our mind
will keep it at bay.

“We’ll all die anyway,” I’ll say with nonchalance.
And you’d quip, “Yes, but we don’t have to die today.”

I’d like to tell you I’m not afraid of death,

Only the transition
from here to there.
Will it hurt? Will my body cling to the last vestiges of life?
Will I fight for my last breath, or will I give in easily?

I don’t want to fight for anything, you see.
And yet I always have to fight to make you stay,
even when you already have one foot out of the door.

That’s supposed to be me,
the first to run away.
Now the tables have turned.
Now I’m the one who wants more.

If you ask me, that scares me more than death.

At least with death,
there’s certainty – a way out.
With you,
there’s only ambiguity – always in doubt.

I want to say something profound.
Instead, I’ll say something absolute and sure:

I don’t want to be the one who loves more,
not anymore.

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14 thoughts on “A Litany Before Goodbye

      1. You are already writing something important! 🙂 Get a notebook and a pen , a keyboard and a blank page in Word, or index cards and a pencil and start brainstorming characters, plot, and ideas for your novel. I have a feeling that you already have the characters and the plot and the beginning of your novel–this poem! Sometimes, what block us from writing a novel is the unknown. We never write one, so, how we can write one? You have so much to say and to give…don’t underestimate yourself. You are already writing something important and telling people so many beautiful things through your poems…….a novel is just another genre to master….not so scary…just different..:)

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Thank you so much for the encouragement. I need this very much, today most especially. I was caught up with a lot of deadlines so I only get around to give a reply now. But thank you for your beautfiul words. I will keep this in mind once I get to find the time to actually write for myself, for the mere pleasure of creating something from the heart. For now, I have to focus on making a living. I also write to earn money but it is a whole world of difference from actually writing in a creative sense. ❤️

        Like

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