Introspection

If you are given the chance to look at yourself from a distance, completely detached, would you like what you see?

This is Karenina’s question for our monthly challenge. My post is long overdue. But I think better late than never, eh?

I don’t know how to answer this. How do you even start rummaging within your soul without destroying something in yourself?

I have attempted this before. Doing a little introspection. Reflecting about the person I have become. To be honest, I have barely skimmed the surface. It is like plunging into the ocean and believing you have seen and understood its vastness just because you got wet.

I am not who I think I am. There are things about myself that contantly surprise me. Just when I think I know her enough, she goes and does something completely out of ordinary. How can you figure out someone that complex? I think I should leave it to Harry. He knows me best, after all.

Hi, this is Harry. I’m taking it from here.

So where do we start? The thing about Mitch is that she does not even know herself.

But if there’s one thing you should know about her, it is her inability to decide what she really wants out of life. And if you ask her, she will tell you all the impossible things. Packing her bags and leaving for the mountains, for instance. And yet, when it comes to what she doesn’t want, she can be quite adamant.

Mitch doesn’t like attachments. It is not possibble to tie her down in one place unless she wills it. For her, life is a series of fleeting moments and holding on to any of them is futile. She takes one day at a time. All the tomorrows can wait.

She never lets anyone get close. And she does not say when she is sad, even if the turbulence within her becomes unbearable. When she finally finds the courage to tell the world, the storms are usually over. It is unthinkable for her to give anyone the chance to comfort her. She believes she will fall apart otherwise.
Mitch is extremely secretive. She guards her secrets the way some guard their nuggets of gold. I think she thrives in that shroud of mysteriousness. If it’s possible to camouflage with the unknown, she would.

In the surface, she often appears calm and composed. But she struggles with the turbulent emotions deep inside her heart. She feels too much. And she can be very passionate about the things she believes in. Sometimes, she can be all heart. She wants to believe the good in everyone. She refuses to concede that a person is beyond redemption. That can result to a lot of misplaced sympathy.

She is full of contradictions and she does not give a hoot about convention. Live and let live are the words she lives by. You can do your thing, and she can do hers. And she recognizes that her right ends where another’s begins.

She does not want to be boxed in a certain category or a group. She is individualistic. She can breathe after her own fashion, thank you very much. Some people call her a rebel. Her leanings have always been to the left but she wants to make it clear that she does not go out of her way to be contrary. She just is.

She was accused of being too noncomformist many times before. Well, she can’t help questioning things. And no, you don’t need to convince her to believe you. Her skepticism knows no bound. If you ask me, I think she likes muddling the waters. She is certain of uncertainties.

She does not need to be understood. She does not require an acknowledgment from anyone to validate her existence.

And she dreams. Oh, how she dreams. She lives for them. If it is permissible, she need not wake up.

Mitch is in love with the intangible things. The star-strewn skies that she regards as the heaven beyond her reach. The explosion of colors when the sun sets. The thought of possibilities and –

That’s enough, Harry. I think you’re talking too much. You can’t spill all the contents of my soul. *winks*

You might think I’m a complete lunatic with all these nonsense. And if you want to know if Harry likes what he sees, I’m pretty sure he does. We’re friends anyway.

Some people find it hard to be friends with themselves, you know. But I am. I hope it counts.

And I hope I answered the question. 🙂