I’ll tell you a secret.
I loved you. And I hated you. I’ve felt all sorts of emotions I’ve never experienced before. It was liberating and exhausting. But it’s true, what they say about time healing wounds. I feel better now. God, I feel divine.
I can look at your face without dying inside. I can see your name light up my phone and not cringe. I can look back on those memories and not feel the twinge of pain.
It’s wonderful to take back full control of my emotions. I revel in it for months and months and I can even write about it now without rolling my eyes at my utter foolishness.
But I think we still failed to put closure on what we had. We scrawled a careless comma when what we really needed was a full stop. And now it seems like the comma gave way to this:
An open-ended truce.
It’s all good on my part because I don’t really mind you being a part of my life. But I would want to draw a clear line – a line that we should never cross, no matter how tempting. We’ve been there before and it did not end well. We might get there again. But I will not let it.
I’m no fan of second chances because I believe that if we really want it bad enough, we should have done it right the first time.
I can forgive but I never forget. I mark mistakes for future reference.
You might think me heartless. Or stoic. Indifferent. You could not be more wrong.
I feel. I feel too much. That’s why I build those walls to keep unwanted things out. And when I lock the gates, I lock it tight and throw away the key. I’m not as careless as Archibald Craven. There will be no Mary Lennox to chance upon it when she wanders in the moors.
I mean it when I say that’s all there is to us.
Lahat ng mga salitang hindi ko nasabi, isusulat ko sa buhangin dahil alam kong darating ang mga alon na tatangay at magbubura ng nakaraan. At balang araw, makakalimutan rin natin na bawat munting paalam ay nagdulot ng hapdi at pagkamuhi. Sana tanging mga masasayang sandali lamang ang sasagi sa ating isipan.
I meant it, too, when I told you to be happy.
I hope you’re happy.