When Life Happens

I haven’t visited this blog for a while because…well, because life happened. I had a roller coaster ride for the past three months. I guess, I really lived. I mean, really live without being among the clouds.

I’ve done a lot of reflections, and I realized many things.

I think I grew up a little. Not physically, but emotionally and mentally. I knew my limits, the things I’m capable of. Although it’s still a struggle for me to express myself and let go of my emotions, I’m learning everyday. Not always pleasantly, but it will do.

I learned not to trust too much. Words are easy to construct, but not when they matter the most. When I give my word to someone, I make sure I mean them. Most of the time, I stay away from promises. I always tend to break them anyway, so I might as well spare them the disappointment. And I hate it when people promise me one thing and they fail to deliver. I can do without empty promises. I only need honesty and respect.

I also realized my emotional capacity. Sometimes, it’s scary how I can easily turn my feelings on and off. I keep them inside, even if it’s killing me. Then I always wonder why I feel so drained and tired without really doing anything. That’s why I envy people who are comfortable of showing their emotions. I wish I could be more demonstrative.

I found out I’m still as cynical and indecisive as before. I don’t know how to cure that. Maybe, I don’t have to.

And there’s also my penchant of keeping secrets. This morning, I finally told one of my closest friends something I’ve been keeping to myself for five years. I’m not really expecting anything out of it. But the relief I felt afterwards was immense.

I’m still young, and I still have a lot of growing up to do. And I look forward for the coming days so I can try to be a better version of myself.