Sometimes, in the most unexpected moment, I wonder how it feels like to love and be loved.
Oh, don’t get me wrong. I know how to love.
I love my family. I love my friends. I love my books. I love music. I love Ireland. I love wizards and witches. I love sunsets. I love a good story. I love movies and the wonderful people behind it.
And yes, most of them love me back, in their own way.
What I meant is the kind of love that gives you that wonderful feeling inside…like butterflies in you stomach, a flutter in your heart, a twinkle in your eyes. It’s the kind of love that push through barriers, knows no boundaries. The kind of love I read in romance novels between a woman and a man.
I can describe the feeling in vivid details, but knowing is different from feeling it yourself. Is it really as beautiful as they say, or is everything a mere product of imagination with a sprinkle of exaggeration?
I’ve had crushes before. My friends and cousins even tease me about the same guy for the last eight years. Eight frigging years, can you believe that? Just to set the record straight, I’m not stuck with the same guy for that long, unless you’re talking about Harry Potter, which is an entirely different matter.
I remember another boy from distant past, my high school days to be exact. He always wear this cap, that’s why I recognize him miles away. I’ve been liking him from afar, but then he transferred to another town so I suddenly don’t have a reason to daydream. I still think about him though, and I smile at my foolishness. I even write a story or two about him.
When I was in college, I also have this stupid crush on one of our schoolmates. I think he even know about it, but he’s cool so…
He also inspired me to write many poems and short stories, and when I read them again, I shudder, and certainly not in a good way. And oh, did I mention that he also wear a cap? We even give him a nickname that pertains to that…though I’ll just keep it to myself.
What’s up with me and my obsession to guys with caps?
Well, I got over that phase of my life way before we left the university.
I have a couple of obsession about celebrities too, just like any normal teenager. For a time in my grade school, I’m smitten with Daniel Radcliffe. He’ll always have a special place in my heart. And it’s not only because he gave life to the love of my life. He’s a great guy with a wicked sense of humour.
Then there’s Vic Zhou. Everybody knows him as Lei, one of the F4. I can still perfectly remember how they drove people of all ages crazy. Our country was full of screaming, out of control fan girls then.
Do you remember the Lord of the Rings days? I went mad with Orlando Bloom too. Just watch the film and you’ll know what I mean. I still have that tinge of crush on him, even now that he has a gorgeous wife and an extremely cute son.
I also have a bad case of crush for Prince Harry, and it doesn’t matter if he’s red-haired. Then there are Shane Filan, Nicky Byrne, Chris Carrabba and Enrique Iglesias. A bunch of singers I love to pieces.
Have I reached the part where I obsess over Cristiano Ronaldo yet? Oh yes, I’m such a fan girl. I even go gaga over Lionel Messi, Gerard Pique, Cesc Fabregas, Kaka and Xavi Alonso and Phil Younghusband. Football players are utterly sexy, in or out of the pitch, don’t you think so?
The list of men I adore is endless. But I know they are out of my reach. As a matter of fact, I never had a crush on a normal person after that guy in my college days.
Maybe what they say is true. One always want those beyond their grasp.
I only yearn for those I know I can’t have. If that’s not silly, then I don’t know what to call it.
Maybe I won’t ever fall in love in this lifetime. I’m quite sure I never did. Believe me, I’m not in a hurry. I’m enjoying my life the way it is. I appreciate the simple things, savouring every moment.
Love can wait. There are still too many things that matter more in this life. I’ll just concentrate on those.
Oh, there’s that usual dilemma on Valentine’s day, right? It’s just a few days away, after all. Damn, who invented that day? I don’t think single people in this world will thank him for making them aware once a year that they are loveless.
Tell you what, Valentine’s day for me is just like any normal day. I might drop by that usual spot beside our office building where an old couple with their tin can stay. I might as well give them something that counts.
But this still did not satisfy my curiosity about love. Maybe I’ll write something about Valentine’s day some time next week. I can go with the trend, even if I don’t feel love in the air.
Slán, mates. 🙂