You’re a beautiful puzzle I don’t want to solve, simply because the air of mystery makes you even more intriguing in my eyes than you already are. You make me fall into too deep a thought I forgot about everything else, just the magic of the moment I keep recounting in my giddy, befuddled brain. And even after all these years, I still find myself falling even more in love with you.
I don’t think I will ever stop. I don’t think I ever want to.
I can’t exactly remember where our story began.
Was it back when we were kids, playing “wedding pretend” with your big brother and my little sister? Was it when we were in grade school, when you made me cry by pulling my stupid pig tails and buying me vanilla ice cream afterwards so I won’t tell your mom? Was it when we were in junior high, sitting side by side on the wooden stairs, too absorbed in watching that particular action flick to actually acknowledge each other’s existence?
Or maybe it was really that fateful summer five years ago, when you sat beside me on the bench and we both fell into a comfortable silence before you broke it by blurting out “I like you” in a quiet voice.
I’ll tell you what. There was nothing fancy about our love story. It’s not even worth gracing the pages of the romance novels I love to collect. It was some kind of getting into each other’s way, then simply falling into the same pace and going into the same direction. That’s why we both agreed to make Dashboard Confessional’s As Lovers Go our personal anthem. Why, the song tells it all.
And she said, “I gotta be honest,
You’re wasting your time
if you’re fishing round here”
Those weren’t my exact words when you first noticed me, not knowing I have noticed you too, but they were something to that effect. I was cryptic, I was sarcastic. I was my aloof and cynical self. And you were trying so hard to play it cool.
And I said, “You must be mistaken.
‘Coz I’m not foolin’.
This feeling is real.”
Yeah, you were playing it cool, and you never had a clue how adorable you were then, trying to convince me it was not some kind of a game you wanted to try on me. You were patient while being your adorable, cool self at the same time.
She said, she said, “You gotta be crazy.
What d’you take me for,
some kind of easy mark?”
Alright. I was being difficult, giving you a hard time, sending off mixed signals that drove you mad with frustration. I guess it goes with being a girl with conflicting and fickle mind.
“No, you got wits, you got looks,
you got passion but I swear
you got me all wrong, all wrong.
‘Coz you got me”
Oh, yes. I got you, without so much an effort. Just by being me. But you got me too, effortlessly, by simply being you.
I’ll be true, I’ll be useful, I’ll be cavalier.
I’ll be yours my dear
And I’ll belong to you
If you just let me through
This is easy as lovers go
So don’t complicate it by hesitating
And this is wonderful as loving goes
This is tailor-made,
What’s the sense in waiting?
Oh well, we got each other. And it’s as easy as lovers go.
But what we had along the way was not as easy. We had fights. Mostly over petty stuffs, some over serious ones. We have pride, loads of it so no one really give in easily unless our resistance was worn down by our longing to be together again.
Days passed, gave way to months and through to a year. Seasons change, summer’s moving on. And yet we stayed the same. Older, wiser, better versions of ourselves-but we still belong to each other.
I thought what we had would pass, just like those glorious summer days. I was scared to think about it. What if I wake up one day and you were no longer in my almost, perfect life? But summers did pass, and you’re still here. The same old, adorable you.
I tell myself then, I really like where we are going.
After five long years, five wonderful years, here we are. Still together, stronger than ever. The people around us would look closely, each with knotted forehead and questions in their curious eyes. “What’ the secret?” They asked.
I always look away and hide the grin behind my hand. I never gave them the answer, but I know in my heart why we stayed together this long, why we are stuck with each other this far and have no plans of heading on separate ways.
It’s the way you are. It’s the way you make my heart skip a beat by just being near. It’s the way my senses simply tune to you when I feel your gaze my way. It’s the way you look at me, as if I’m the most beautiful woman in the world. It’s the way you say my name, in that sweet, tender voice that often bring mists to my eyes. It’s the way you run your hands through your hair when you’re angry or frustrated or simply making me want you in an absent-minded way.
It’s the way your beautiful eyes smile even before your sexy mouth could. It’s the way your sexy mouth finally curves into a smile, like that of a fallen angel, and no normal woman can resist that. It’s the way you laugh when I say something amusing. It’s the way your laughter does wonder to people-they stop, they stare, they smile and pretty soon they’ll be laughing too.
It’s the way you wear a shirt and jeans and still be the most handsome man in my eyes. It’s the way you have with kids that had them laughing and looking up at you like you were Superman or Spiderman reincarnate. It’s the way you calm my nerves when I have to do something out of my comfort zone, it’s the way you drove my fears away that summer night when lightning struck and thunder rumbled as if it’s the end of the world.
It’s the way you turn a plain picnic into something magical. It’s the way you give me little surprises when I least expect you to. It’s the way you ride along with my mood swings, and the way you tolerate my pointless illusions. It’s the way you make something as simple as watching the sun set or gazing at the winking stars in the sky turn into something unforgettable.
It’s the way you put your arms around me, gathering me close and holding me like I’m the most precious thing in your life. It’s the way you tilt your head, look deep into my eyes, lean closer until our noses touched, then curving your lips into a smile before claiming my lips into a nerve-tingling, knee-weakening, senses-scattering kiss that stirs not just my racing heart but my very soul.
It’s the way you can’t say the words “I love you” without blushing furiously, and because I make a laughingstock of you, you simply say them in gestures, grand and simple ones or all those in between. It’s the way you sang to me my favorite lines of our song.
And I said, “I gotta be honest,
I’ve been waiting for you all my life.
For so long I thought I was asylum bound
But just seeing you makes me think twice
And being with you here makes me sane I fear
I’d go crazy if you leave my side
And while you’re looking at me with those beautiful brown eyes of yours, I was never surer about you and me, about us. We have something that will last, even if it was not coated with fairy tales and ever afters.
You and I, we are perfect for each other.
It’s the way we are. It’s the way we could be in a crowded room but could still feel like we’re the only people in the world. It’s the way our gazes meet and understand without having to say the words. It’s the way we fit perfectly into each other’s life, just as our fingers fit like they were made for each other. It’s the way we come home from a bad day and feel a thousand times better just by being together.
It’s the way we are, even if we never really know where and how we started. What counts is that we are certain where we’re headed. And we both like where we are going.
Together forever, it’s as easy as lovers go.
Author’s Note: Before you draw conclusions and raise curious brows about my perfect “love life”, I just want to break it to you gently- I only made this up. This is one of the many products of my very wild imagination during the not-so-rare cases of my temporary madness. Well, if you want to ask me why, I can’t give you a certain answer, except that I was suffering from acute LSS with Dashboard Confessional’s As Lovers Go at the moment. I just need to write something to let it out of my system. ‘Can’t say that it worked though. *throat-clearing*
I’ll be true, I’ll be useful, I’ll be cavalier
I’ll be yours my dear
And I’ll belong to you..
*windows closed against the pounding rain*